Goals for Today

Had a chat about my stessed-out-ness with Daddy last night. It was good to just talk about how I was feeling (even though he did keep on complicating matters by trying to come up with solutions to fix it all - such a man).

This weekend we're going to go to Ikea to purchase some storage solutions and try to get some of the major decluttering and household rearranging done. I think that will make me feel a lot better.

And I'm going to just try to get my head round managing my time better during the day and keeping things round the house generally cleaner and tidyer.

Goals for today:

* Wash all dishes and clean kitchen (so that Dave's plan of us both washing a few dishes whenever we have a spare minute gets off to a clean start)
* Do weekly shop
* Tidy and hoover lounge
* Plan cell
* Hang out washing and do nappy load (I may even hang the washing outside since it seems warm today!)

I am currently feeding Elsie some toast and will endeavor to provide her with more food throughout the day as well. :) I prayed over her eating this morning, and I'm determined not to worry about it, and it give it over to God whenever I think of it.

So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Matthew 6:25

Food Diary - Thursday

a few cheerios
a couple bites chicken, rice and peas
bite of grated apple
1/4 pot banana yogurt
1/2 baby rice cake
3 teaspoonfuls chili
2 teaspoonful cottage cheese
5 grapes

lost track of breastfeeds... several very short ones due to stuffy nose

The Stresses of Life

I am feeling totally stressed out today. Elsie has been a bit ratty... had a runny nose, not eating well and been generally crotchety - not sure if she's teething or coming down with a cold or what. And I am feeling like I never get anything done. I'm such a failure as a housewife. Even though I'm home all day long and Daddy works (at a new and somewhat stressful job), he always ends up doing way more than his fair share of housework. How can I be home all day and not manage to get anything done but looking after Elsie? Everyone else seems to manage to keep their house in order and raise their kids... and I don't even have more than one to look after.

I have to somehow manage to get myself more organised and get us into a routine of some description. I'm working out our weekly activities. I have it planned in my head now that we'll do one outside activity per day every day as follows:

Monday - Sticky Faces (am)
Tuesday - Lesley (pm)
Wednesday - Sticky Fingers (am)
Thursday - Swimming (am)
Friday - weekly shop (am if possible)

But we have to sort out waking up, dressing, eating, napping? (in my dreams), playing, cooking and housework.

At the minute... my house is a mess. Nothing ever gets done. I feel like I spend all day either feeding Elsie or wondering what I could feed her. I don't get around to eating proper food at a reasonable time myself. We waste time sitting around. It's just generally not nice. But I'm not sure where to start with trying to organise things or get into more of a routine. It's so hard when Elsie really does need to be held or played with about 90% of the time, and that means you can't do anything else during that time. She may sit in her high chair for a few minutes a day, and I've started putting her into her cot while I get a shower (she started eating the cat litter when I kept her in the bathroom with me). And any other time she is willing to play on her own, I seem to spend on the computer. Which is pants coz there is so much work to do... but I do need some outlet just for myself too! I've also started trying to exercise each day which is another hour or so when she must sit and amuse herself, so that takes away even more from any independant play time I could use to get things done.

I think I will just have to experiment over the coming weeks, and try planning different patterns/routines to see what works. I'm sure it will get easier as she gets older (but I've been telling myself that for months now). My first step is to make a list here of all the things that need to be done.

Put up shelves for Dave's OU stuff
Purchase storage for bathroom
Put away all clothes
Clean guest room
Laundry!
Wash dishesClean surfaces in kitchen
Sweep/mop kitchen floor (including cleaning up broken jar and spilled oatmeal)
Clean fridge
Hoover whole house
Get rid of speakers in back room
Get rid of old hoover
Sort out books in bedroom
Hang pictures
Purchase new toys for Elsie
Sort out monthly finances
Plan menu and do weekly shop
Plan cell
Ring cell girls
Pray about weaning situation
Plan/cook/freeze meals for Elsie
Sort out Elsie clothes
Put away too young toys
Give swing back to Lesley
Think about childproofing house
Hang pin board above computer
Put up new curtain in dining room

Most importantly, I have to prioritise prayer in my life. Dave and I need to pray together. I need to pray and connect with God throughout the day, and especially over issues that rise up and stress me (weaning). I think that focussing on God much more will really help me.

Lofty Ideals

I that have pretty strong ideas about childrearing, and I'm wondering how many of them I can really live by.

When I was pregnant, I think that people thought I was a bit idealistic with my strong conviction that I would breastfeed Elsie for at least one year and not use any bottles. I guess they wanted me to be cautious in case things didn't work out, and thought it was a bit extreme in any case. But it's worked for us. And I think my strong convictions helped us to succeed (although I can see how it would have also made it very difficult on myself if anything had gone wrong). Elsie's almost 8 months old and we are well on our way to reaching that goal.

But I'm starting to wonder how many of the rest of my lofty ideals I'll actually have the discipline and conviction to stick by in the long run. I didn't want Elsie to watch any tv before she's two. Well... I spend a great portion of my day with the tv on now with programmes that I want to watch. I'll turn on a dvd while I feed her, and just leave it on to watch the rest while Elsie plays. I feel so guilty for this, and I'm totally modelling a lifestyle of telly watching that I wanted Elsie to avoid. But do I have the discipline to cut the tv off? Will I just cave in and let Elsie watch some dvd's so that I can get a few minutes to get something else done or look after another baby in the future.

I don't want Elsie to eat any junk food/sweets before she's 3. But this just so goes against what almost everyone else does, I know it will be a fight to achieve it. And it will mean that daddy and I will have to be very disciplined about what we eat in front of her. Can we do it?

I totally understand that making a few compromises is ok. I guess I just have to decide what I'm willing to compromise on so that I can really put my energy into sticking to my other goals. I think tv will be a compromise. I'm already predicting that we will allow Elsie to watch a limited number of kids dvds for a limited period of time each day. My idealistic dream of being a family that totally shuns tv is just never going to happen coz we're just not like that.

Dave and I made a decision before Elsie was born that we wanted to try to go the attachment parenting route with her, and I'm really pleased that we did. But it can be really hard work sometimes, and I do feel different from other mums in my circle who sleep train their kids and live by a more stringent routine than us. I guess it also doesn't help that Elsie has strong ideas of her own and refuses to fit into the average baby mold... not napping (despite my very best efforts) and being very slow to warm up to solids and very independant about the whole eating thing. Part of me wonders if Elsie is different because of the parenting choices we made, and if we should just try harder to get her to do things that the books say babies are meant to do. But then the rest of me (and it's the majority of me) knows deep down that we've followed our instincts and done what we thought was best for our family, and all babies are unique and we don't have to be a carbon copy of other families and in the midst of all our struggles I know that in the end it will all come out in the wash.

Praying for Elsie to love God's Word

After last week, I've decided to just use one verse per week for my Elsie prayer theme. That way I can memorize it and it will be easier to pray it out whenever I think of it.

So this week's verse is:

Let Elsie keep your words and store up your commands so that she will live. Cause her to guard your teachings as the apple of her eye, and let them be written on the tablet of her heart. Proverbs 7:2-3

Food Diary - Wednesday

banana chunk
1/8 slice wholemeal toast
3 teaspoonfuls chilli
1 rice cake
few raisins
couple chunks of cheese
some cheerios
2 teaspoonfuls cottage cheese

6 breastfeeds

Food Diary Begins

I've decided to keep a diary of what Elsie is eating in order to look for progress and reassure myself that she does eat. (And to defend myself to the health visitor if necessary!)

So, it will begin yesterday... Monday, 27 February.

Monday:
about 2 teaspoonfuls of cottage cheese
a few avacado chunks
2.5 baby rice cakes (apple flavoured)
a few carrot bits

Tuesday:
1/2 slice of wholewheat toast
1/4 banana
2/3 pot yogurt (apricot)
1/2 baby rice cake (apple flavoured)
about 5 teaspoonfuls of chilli

The weekend and other bits

Well, our first hen weekend went very well indeed. Friday afternoon was very stressful... Definitely didn't think things through before offering to cook chili for everyone. But once the car was finally packed (minus a few essential baby bits to save space) and we were on our way, I relaxed and really enjoyed the weekend.

We stayed near Hose, a tiny village in proper heart of England countryside. And it was ssssssooooo nice to be out of the city. Didn't do very much at all over the weekend except hang out - pub lunch, typical hen type games, and a bit of a walk to the village and back. It was marvelous. Elsie was very very good. She was overwhelmed by all the new faces and I had to hold her all weekend long, but she was angelically good. And we got to stay in the much nicer, recently renovated cottage with Hannah coz a few of the others specifically didn't want to be in the same cottage as the baby! Ha Ha Ha. It was lovely catching up with Hannah and spending some good quality time with friends that I don't get to see as much of as I would like.

Life has been just going on since we arrived home. Daddy seems to be more and more unhappy with his new job. It distresses me quite a bit. He's actually even applying for a couple of jobs that he saw in the paper recently. I don't know what to think about it all... guess I just have to pray.

Elsie seems to be getting more and more gorgeous lately. I've been loving her gummy smiles and frequent giggles. She really seems to be developing her own little personality now. It's great. Her hair is growing fast and it really changes how she looks. If only I could crack the solid food thing, I would feel that we were doing really well. I feel quite stressed about food at the minute, and the pressure from the health visitor doesn't help. I'm really at a loss for what to try to feed her now and am sorely lacking in motivation. It all just seems like really hard work!

Praying for Elsie's Salvation

I've been reading a great book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Children, and it has totally motivated to pray for Elsie in a more organised way. So I've decided to pray through each of the book chapters on a weekly basis. Memorizing a few key scriptures for each topic. And then it can become a regular cycle of prayer.

This week I'm praying for Elsie's salvation, so here are my scriptures:

Remove the veil from Elsie's eyes so that she can see the light of the Gospel. Shine your light in her heart to give her the light of the knowledge of your glory in the face of Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:4-6

I pray that Elsie would confess with her mouth that Jesus is Lord, and that she would believe in her heart that you have raised Christ from the dead. Cause Elsie to call on your name, Lord, and save her. Romans 10:9 & 13

Thank you for loving Elsie so much that you gave your one and only Son, that when Elsie believes in him, she will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I pray that Elsie would put her trust in you and never be shaken. Psalm 125:1

I pray that Elsie, being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the saints, to graps how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses all understanding, that Elsie may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:18-19

Preparations

Well, this evening Elsie and I are off on an adventure... our first weekend away from home without Daddy. We're going on my friend Hannah's hen weekend, and I'm feeling quite apprehensive. There's so much to pack and remember to bring so that Else will hopefully have a happy weekend. Plus, I'm helping organise the food (we've just been on a mammoth 2 hour shopping trip with another friend this morning), so there's all that to organise and pack, and I have to cook chili (meat and veggie) for 15 adults this afternoon.

But the main reason for my apprehension is that one of the organisers was really funny about me bringing Elsie along. I know that Hannah is totally happy to have her there, and that should be all that matters. But now I feel nervous about how everyone else will feel about Elsie tagging along. It shouldn't matter, and to be honest, I know that everyone will be fine. But it's now just one more nagging thought as I think about the weekend and how Elsie and I will manage to fit in with all that's going on.

We'll be staying in 2 cottages which are a quarter of a mile apart, so I feel a bit nervous about how that will all work out with Elsie's bedtime and routine, etc... I'm thinking that she will probably end up just staying up with me and napping here and there throughout the day. But we've only just got her back into sleeping through the evenings, and we really don't want this to screw it all up. I guess all we can do is pray and stay flexible with it all.

I'm sure we'll have a great time, and I'm so pleased to be able to go and be there with Hannah. Elsie is so good and chilled out. It will be fine. I just keep telling myself that, "It will be fine!"

I'll most certainly report back with an update on Sunday!

Not a great day.

Well... today has been a pretty weird day. I had all sorts of plans, none of which were really accomplished. Elsie and I are going away without daddy for the first time this weekend. A very good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks, and has invited us both to her hen weekend. I've also managed to foolishly volunteer to help organise the food for the weekend. So I will be dead busy tomorrow not only packing for both of us, but also doing a huge shop and cooking a great big vat of chili for everyone.

Normally, Elsie and I go swimming on a Thursday morning, but I decided to pack in the swimming this week since we had such a busy day planned. I was hoping to nip to Asda to get a few essential bits for the weekend and some stuff that we need at home. And I also forgot until the other day that I need to get a pressie for Hannah (the bride-to-be), so we needed to go to Speke to poke around the shops and find something cheap, but nice. Plus I said I'd make cookies for the weekend.

Well, we crawled out of bed (I always feel so tired in the morning after waking 1-2 times in the night to feed little miss. Must go to bed earlier!!!) at around 8:30am - Elsie is usually very patient and will squirm around and play after she wakes up while I squeeze out a few extra minutes of sleep, but got whingy quite quickly this morning. (Although I realise that since Elsie sleeps until around 8am every morning, we are extremely blessed in the baby sleeping stakes regardless of how long she is willing to faff around after waking!) And we went downstairs, where I realised that I'd left the nappies in the washing machine and we therefore had none dry to put on her. So I threw the nappies in the tumble dryer and we set about waiting for them to dry. I should have carried on and got myself dressed and stuff accomplished while we waited, but instead we just waited and had breakfast. It all went downhill from there. Since we were out of our usual routine we just sort of sat around killing time all day and doing more or less nothing.

Even when Daddy got home, things kept going weird. I was baking the cookies when he arrived, and discovered that the recipe didn't make nearly as much as I thought it would. So although cookies were baked, I don't feel I can really cross it off my list since I probably ought to head out to the kitchen now and bake another batch. I even managed to screw up our tea -- jacket potatoes! So now it's 9:45pm (where do my evenings go... they seem to just slip away before I've managed to get anything done or appreciate them properly) and today can go down in the books as an almost utter waste of space.

I'll have to pick up the bits and bobs that we needed from the store when Susie and I go to do the big hen weekend shop, and I've decided that due to budgetary restraints and in order to save our cash for a really nice wedding present, Hannah will receive a lovely garment that I got at my bridal shower and never wore and some bubble bath I was given for my birthday and know I won't use.

Oh well... tomorrow is a fresh day with no mistakes in it (yet)!

One small highlight of the day... Elsie began lifting some of the flaps in her "Dear Zoo" book all by herself today. :)

Here we are: mama and Elsie

Beginning

Well, I've always been pretty bad at keeping up with any sort of journal, but here I go attempting to start a new one. I'm feeling quite determined to stick with this one, though. So... here's hoping...